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Issue: My husband embarrassed of my weight

My husband embarrassed of my weight

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My husband embarrassed of my weight

I would like to congratulate you on your ability to understand that appearances and numbers on a scale are not the most important qualities about an individual. You stated that you are at a point in your life where you want to lose the weight and keep it off. You have taken the right steps by following the advice of a physician and the gym staff.

This is very important for anyone undertaking regular exercise and desiring to lose weight, however, it becomes even more important when people have a medical condition such as a thyroid condition. It sounds like you have a healthy attitude about yourself and that you take yourself and your health seriously.

Nata Gonchar

Holistic Nutritionist, founder
of the project WOW Bali

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Nata Gonchar

Holistic Nutritionist, founder
of the project WOW Bali

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I think that for many, many years, I somehow kept me happy that a man considering my physical appearance , sad to say. I could also , in passing, that I have a thyroid condition that is treated with medications have to mention. Thyroid conditions can make it harder to lose weight , among other problems. I think, however , that in recent years I have also come to a point in my life and with myself that I want more than to lose everything else , weight and maintain weight loss sort , but that , I really do not define me by my appearance.

My weight problem is very, very disturbing to my husband. He has told me for years and years , that he is embarrassed and ashamed. He told me that my legs and my stomach and my big butt just humiliate him. Not to mention that our sex life is non-existent.

I am a mother and a good woman and a good one. I help my husband w / our business. I have many other good qualities about myself that I pride in. This edition of my overweight permeates every area of our marriage. My husband says that he has been ashamed and embarrassed of me that he does not enjoy the thought of the day at the lake or water because of my appearance in a swimsuit. He startled at the thought. He explains that it interferes in any area , because he. Did not have a woman he can be proud of He says he do not know who I am and love everything I am and do , but that this issue only weight is so troubling for him.

He explains that he wants to leave the marriage . But that if he weighs the balance if he be better off here with his wife and children or elsewhere, figures he that he better off to stay here and just coping well as he can with all the embarrassment , an overweight spouse. We have been to counselling, but all that ever was, that he was just unhappy with my weight and my appearance is.

I should also mention that I do not think that I have a fix. No, I ‘m not happy being overweight for more than one reason , but I wear appropriate clothing , and am able to do and go anywhere I wish and try to guide me with the proper decorum. This all makes me so sad. Now I find out that he has shared this information with my 15 year old and it makes them angry with him that he feels this way about their mother. I told him that I wished he had not shared with our children and our questions were just that our problems. He told me that he does not see me , really, really, take this thing in the butt and do something about it.

I have lost 18 pounds in the last 3 months. This information was shared with him . I was told that if I was serious about losing weight, I would eat nothing but salads and would exercise every free minute I had to do.It annoys me that he is ignorant on this subject in my opinion and has no desire to learn.

He seems to only want to criticize. I told him that I count grams of fat , and it’s obviously worked , since I was able to lose 18 pounds so far. I told him that I work out for an hour three times a week and from the gym staff that I was told that I should not try to do more than that as it will fatigue my muscles and I’m not so much benefit from them. Not to mention potentially straining a muscle and set me back on my progress. None of these questions , my husband is adamant about the fact that I was not trying hard enough. His opinion is that this was an ongoing problem for many years, and I ‘ve never seen anything to successfully handle this one over and done with.

As you can probably tell , he never had a weight problem at all .My question is Sometimes I just do not know if I want this marriage upright.

As I said before I finally really and truly a point in my own psyche that I do not define myself by my balance and I think those who can do , have accomplished to fly the moon. I ‘m proud of so much else about me and my life. My husband is the only provider in our household and we should decide to separate , this would prove financially devastating for both of us. Please help.

I resent told that I ‘m an embarrassment and I do not really find it easy to understand the reasoning of his. My husband keeps telling me that men are much more visual than women and that , if what they see is not nice to see, it is a turn-based are immediately turned off. He tells me that the people and their snide remarks ” a big girl ” are with him , as it is hurtful and embarrassing for him.How do I know if my marriage is worth fighting for on this topic? As for me and the continued efforts of trying to lose weight that will continue.

I am determined to continue this fight and know that it will be a lifetime. I define myself annoyed by this problem. It’s almost as if I that I should one day lose all the weight I need to lose and to make it happen , a few pounds creep back on to feel success, then I have this nagging feeling of “uh – oh, my husband gonna be ashamed of me again ” when I’m not ashamed. I encouraged him to go to counselling yourself to maybe learn to better manage his feelings on the subject. He will not.

I encouraged him to get on the internet and see issues dealing with weight loss and exercise , and to educate themselves on what it is that I struggle with. He will not. According to him, the fight is mine, and I ‘m just not seeing how important it is to him , and therefore risking the marriage. Can you please support something anonymously? I really like to tell him , just feel off and go on with his life and let me go with me. If I lose this weight successfully is irrelevant in this matter , to ask him to leave. I do not know if I to live with him and pretend to the outside world that everything is ok want to go.

My husband is ashamed of my weight

I have been married for almost 20 years. I have always fought my weight problems , successful and unsuccessful. I am 5’7 “tall. When we got married I was probably 175 pounds . , And am now about 100 lbs. Overweight. I am currently seeing a doctor and lose weight and exercise regularly. However, I have seen this page. I’ve lost weight , only to put it back on and then some.

As I understand it, your difficulty lies in your husband continually criticizing your appearance. You stated that he has thought about leaving the marriage because of his embarrassment about your weight. It sounds like you have tried to help your husband understand you better by making some very good suggestions such as, going to counseling, explaining the steps you are taking to lose weight, and suggesting that he read about weight loss to learn more. These were some great ideas, unfortunately, they did not turn out to be effective with your husband. Let’s leave the subject of helping your husband understand and accept you and try to go a level deeper in the problem.

As a Personal Coach and a Counselor I have found that problems often arise on a level which is superficial to the level on which the root of the problem occurs. An example is, a mother who complains that every afternoon at the grocery store her two year-old screams and throw tantrums. Actually, the root of the problem may be that she is taking her child to the store during nap time. If the problem is addressed at this level (i.e. wait until after the nap to go to the store), then the tantrums may stop completely. This is a very simplified example to illustrate the point. Your situation may not prove to be solved so easily, however, let’s see if we can make a start. Here are some questions to ask yourself that might help you understand your problem on a deeper level.

When did your husband first start complaining about your weight? Could it be that he has always complained, even when you were not overweight and that no matter how much weight you lose, he will still be unsatisfied?

Strangely enough, people often need to put down others to build their own self esteem. It also is a mean in which to manipulate and create dependency in relationships. In a healthy relationship, criticism for your personal, physical or mental attributes should be addressed in a constructive forum. Based on your letter, it is apparent that your relationship with your husband is not physically or emotionally healthy.

How do you feel when your husband says he’s ashamed and embarrassed of you? It would not surprise me if you simply said you felt ‘hurt.’ Ask your husband, how would it make him feel? Allow him to claim responsibility for the feelings that he instills in you. In doing so, ask him yet another question. Would that feeling be conducive to losing weight? Although your husband may deny the rationale of his action– there is no denying–you have planted a seed. A seed that may very well make him think about his approach to what he feels is motivating you to lose weight.

Now look at the above scenarios. Is there one or a few feelings that seem to emerge? Ask yourself, are you willing to have these feeling for the rest of your life? Harsh, I know. But, you may not be able to change your husband and despite the best diet intention you may not be able to control you weight loss. The bottom line is to change what you can. Change your perception of what is best for you. Nurture yourself, mentally, physically, and spiritually. When you do this, you find the peace and balance necessary to face difficult and life altering decisions.

Coaching teaches a person to learn how to uncover the root or base of a problem and find answers or solutions that work from that base. These kind of solutions are more effective because they address the real problem not just the symptoms.

It sounds like you have a great outlook and are able to concentrate on the important things in life. Continue to do so! I wish you the best!

Women Improving Self Harmony…one woman at a time.